walrus-in-the-tardis:

mariealbertine:

The time our entire design class dressed up for Halloween as the design teacher (who notoriously almost only wore grey sweaters and always had a cafeteria coffee in hand).
I remember him walking down a super long empty hall and we all just turned the corner at the other end and started running towards him and he ran away yelling “FUcK YOU GUYS” and in retrospect I almost can’t believe he didn’t suffer a heart attack.
Pretty sure we won a pizza party for best costume that year.

IVE SEEN THIS ABOUT TEN TIMES AND IM JUST NOW NOTICING THAT THE ACTUAL TEACHER IS IN THE PICTURE TOO 

Blueberries piss me the fuck off

all1sees:

They’re BLUE.

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but mashed, they’re PURPLE??

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AND WHEN SKINNED, WE SEE THE INSIDES ARE GREEN?????

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WHAT THE EVERLIVING FUCK, BLUEBERRIES?!

bestquius:

bestquius:

There’s this asshole who every time he sees me with my ukulele he thinks he’s funny and asks “Can you play any Metallica?” but the joke is now on him because I just learned how to play the intro riff to Master of Puppets.

I did it. I fucking did it. He asked me again just like I knew he would and I stared him straight in the eyes without blinking and just fucking shredded on my ukulele

actuates:

HOW TO PLAY SOCCER IN GYM CLASS:
1. Get the ball
2. Pass it to someone who actually knows how to play
3. Run.

evaot:

when ur tryin to tell a story but people talk over you

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bewbin:

"the weather seems ruff today doesnt it Spot haha?""dont patronize me Greg"
hatshepsut-inyourplace:

super1eklectic:

infamousnfamous:

“Hey sexy lemme talk to you”“No thanks”“MAN FUCK YOU YOU UGLY ANYWAY HO I WAS JUST PRETENDING TO LIKE YOU 1 CAN GET 3 MORE BITCHES THAT LOOK BETTER THAN YOU”


No, but that’s exactly how it goes. Every damn time.
"I think that when you have a connection with someone it never really goes away, you know? You snap back to being important to each other because you still are."

jaclcfrost:

living in a small town is wonderful

  • are there a lot of modes of transportation? nope! you either drive or you’re out of luck basically
  • are there a lot of job opportunities? no! of course not
  • are there things to do? hang out at the grocery store or go to the only movie theater the town has!
  • are the people nice? of course not! not at all!
  • are you close to anything interesting? nope! everything interesting happens hours away and you’re stuck in the middle of nowhere

mostbeautifulquotes:

The Most Beautiful Love Quotes
61

How the Logic of "Friendzoning" Would Work If Applied in Other Instances:

  • *Man walks into a store and finds employee*
  • Man: Alright, I've had enough. Why haven't you guys hired me?!
  • Employee: Uh...well sir, when did you put in your application?
  • Man: I never filled out an application.
  • Employee: Well sir, we can't consider you for employment if you've never filled out an application.
  • Man: No, that's bullshit, because I've been coming here for years now, and every single time I tell you all how much I love this store and how much I appreciate your customer service, unlike some of your other customers might I add!
  • Employee: Well, but that doesn't-
  • Man: AND I even told you that I didn't have a job!
  • Employee: But sir, that doesn't indicate to us that you would like a job at our store. And again, if you've never filled out an application, we can't consider you. Besides, we're not hiring.
  • Man: OH! Not hiring, HA! What a laugh. I see your store go through seasonal workers all the time. They come and go like nothing, but you won't consider me as a part-time employee even though I KNOW you've been looking for workers to fill positions? That's insane!
  • Employee: Sir, we've been looking to hire a few people for management positions. Do you have any management experience?
  • Man: Well no, but what does that matter?
  • Employee: ...Well sir, that's what we're looking for. You won't be suitable for the position without management experience.
  • Man: Oh that's such a load of crap. You know, you'll be waiting around a long time for a manager if you don't lower your standards a little. Who cares if someone knows how to manage a store? I LOVE this store and I'm willing to work here, that's all that should matter to you.
  • Employee: That...doesn't make any sense.
  • Man: NO! I'm done. This is over. From now on, no more Mr. Nice Guy.
  • Employee:
  • Man:
  • Employee:
  • Man: Fuck you, slut.